Even though I despise spewing those bad words, sometimes it’s necessary. She will beg and plead, and at times I give in. On other occasions I stick to my guns, knowing that when the sun rises she must be well-rested and ready for the day ahead. Oh, how I love that special time together – just her and I – just before bedtime. And let me be frank – the suspense of what’s to come next is killing me. But for tonight I have to spew those bad words…no reading.
I have tried unlocking the door.
The keys do not work.
I have tried opening the windows.
They are painted shut.
I have tried turning on the lights.
The bulbs are burnt out.
I have tried making noise.
Nobody hears me.
I have tried crying.
The tears are silent.
I have tried.
I know there is a bright world beyond the door.
I know the open windows will allow me to feel.
I know the lights will provide the vision in need.
I know there are many people available to listen.
I know letting it out will help me release.
I will continue to try.
It’s the same routine E V E R Y DAY…
Retrieve cell phone
Not there yet
Maybe it’s there now
How about now?
Sometimes yes – sometimes no
I try not to get too excited
It’s happened once too many times
The price looks perfect
Don’t get too excited
I do anyway
When will I learn?
It’s been a year
I still have hope
I really think it might happen soon
For now I will continue to wait
Maybe not patiently, but I will wait
Until tomorrow morning
And maybe it’s there
Eyes still closed, but conscious of the activity beyond my eyelids
The rustling of the bedroom and bathroom drawers awakens my mind
One must go, but one can stay
I tear my body out of the warm, cozy bed trying to hold on to me so tightly
I ask her to stay more than once fantasizing about “us” time.
It’s obvious her thoughts are in the midst of a wrestling match
I don’t barrage her with enticing offers, even though I secretly want to
The match concludes
A trip with dad to her sister’s soccer training lesson raises its hand
I surrender and retreat to my bed that longs for me
She’s a sucker for sports…I understand
I still long for her company more than I can find comfort from my bed
It’s okay though
We are teaching her independence, allowing her choice, and providing practice for decision-making
It’s about her growth, not about me
But…I still wish she stayed
Bedtime = HGTV time
HGTV time = House Hunters International
House Hunters International = Vacation ideas
Vacation Ideas = Visiting new places
Visiting new places = More experiences
More experiences = Fun
Fun = Happy Family
I’M SO SO SORRY!!!
Putting my hand up,
Also gesturing my remorse.
She can’t hear me,
But she must see…
The horrified and panicked look on my face.
Without any hesitancy,
She raises her hand.
She nods and reassures me,
With a gentle smile.
She graces me with mercy.
So understanding, so kind.
She looks to be about my age.
Her morning rat-race –
Probably just as hectic as mine.
I don’t know her story,
Nor has she read my book.
She decided to grant me compassion today.
I wanted to stop,
To get out of my car,
To give her a hug,
And express my gratitude.
There was no time,
I was forced to exit the parking lot.
She was on her way to her destination.
But I think she knew.
She knew just by her reaction,
The appreciation I felt.
Emotions came flooding.
My eyes welled-up quickly.
A perfect combination,
Between nerves and appreciation.
She is probably a mom,
Just like me.
Who knows what she is battling,
Because we are all fighting something.
But…she chose kindness.
She gave me a break.
She gave me a pass.
She reminded me.
Life is so much more,
More than a constant race.
It’s about who we are,
How we treat others.
Be benevolent in your acts.
Have sympathy and empathy.
Make someone’s day.
Give her a break.
Give her a pass.
I have to write?
Oh no, not tonight!
I am much too sleepy,
And about to be weepy.
Not a thing in mind,
I’m in a big bind.
It’s only day two,
What’s this writer to do?
My brain is at rest,
So this is my best.
I’m struggling for sure,
There must be a cure.
Oh wait, could that be my bed I hear?
It must know my time is near.
Hopefully tomorrow won’t bring the same,
With some sleep I should be on my game.
Try me out another day,
I’m sure I’ll have much more to say.